


Trixie Espinoza - Police Detective

by Bagge



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Cute Kids, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Kid Detective, Parody, Pastiche, Police Procedural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26527939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bagge/pseuds/Bagge
Summary: Trixie solves crimes with the help of a certain charming police consultant
Comments: 7
Kudos: 42





	Trixie Espinoza - Police Detective

**Author's Note:**

> I still haven't bothered to look up who actually has the copyright. Netflix, I suppose. Not me, that's for sure.

"Detective!"

The competent, yet underappreciated police detective looked up from her desk and frowned at the irreverent man who sauntered into her office. She lifted an eyebrow.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't mr Morningstar. Up and fresh at the early hour of 11 pm, I see. Some of us has been at it since dawn, and it isn't even school day."

The consultant raised his hands, palms forward in a placating gesture.

"Late night, late morning, detective. I heard you had case that might benefit from my... unique talents."

"As a matter of fact I _do_ , mr Morningstar. Your methods might be unorthodox, but I can't argue with the results."

"Splendid. Shall we get started then?"

"Most certainly. What do we got, Ella?" The forensic scientist stood up from the large plate on the kitchen counter she had examined.

"Only crumbs. Chocolate and.... nougat, I think. Scrape marks suggest an initial cut with a sharp knife, followed by spoon scrapings. I have secured an implement with cake residue from the sink. I'm taking it to the lab to check for DNA traces." She dropped the spoon in a plastic bag and sealed it. Trixie nodded approvingly.

"That's good. Then the cake-snatching miscreant will be caught in no time. What about suspects?"

Ella glanced around and leaned closer to the detective and talked in a low voice.

"I don't want to point fingers... but certain members of law enforcement have access to the scene." Trixie gasped.

"An insider job?"

"Potentially. But you didn't hear that from me, oh no. I'm loyal to my colleges." Ella made a show of miming zipping her mouth shut.

"Who was first on the scene?"

"Maze. She had been out late and went straight to bed. But not until after she caught the second person on the scene trying to sneak out through the door."

"Who?"

"It was Dan. Maze... er... persuaded him to stay. Which is to say that she tied him to the toilet."

"Now _that_ is interesting given that he was not supposed to be here today. Let's talk to our fellow officer. Follow me, mr Morningstar, and don't eat the evidence."

"I was merely tasting. Nougat goes well with the excitement of the chase, don't you think."

"I will show you more excitement than you can handle if you don't help me with this interrogation. Dan is a tough nut to crack, at least when it comes to bed time negotiations."

"Is he now?" They went over to the bathroom and removed the gag from a rather miffed Dan. "Then tell me, Dan, what is it that you truly desire? Hm?"

"I desire for you to let me loose and stop playing games!"

"Not so fast, daddy. I'm asking the questions here!" Dan sighed.

"Of course you are. What do you want to know, pumpkin?"

"Did you eat the cake?"

"The cake? I didn't eat any cake. It was fine when I got here. Then Maze came home and jumped me."

"Was it, now? And why were you here that early anyway?"

"Er..." Dan glanced at Lucifer. "I'd... rather not say." Trixie folded her arms.

"Are you and mom having sex again? Will I have a baby sibling?"

"What? No? Nothing like that." 

"All right, then," Trixie said, doing her best to hide her disappointment. "That means you still have no alibi. Mr Morningstar, I think we need to..."

"Ah, detective, maybe if I could talk to the suspect alone for a moment? Clear up a few things off the record?"

"But..."

"I really don't want _you_ to..."

"Excellent. Run along, detective. Help Ella pack up her things."

With a suspicious glance at her dad, Trixie went back to the forensic scientists again. They had just finished up the crime scene analysis when Lucifer joined them.

"Sorry, detective. His alibi checks out."

"It does? Why was he here, then?"

"Let's just say that something might have needed to be measured, and that someone may or may not find out at her birthday."

"What? What did he measure? What is he giving me? Tell me, Lucifer!"

"Nope, that conversation was strictly off the record. You will have to figure it out yourself." 

Behind them, Ella mimed the zipping-her-mouth shut-thing again. Trixie nodded grudgingly.

"Fine, I will drop it. For now. But that still doesn't explain why Maze tied him up.

"What's there to explain? Maze ties people up sometimes. He should just count himself lucky that she wasn't in the mood for playing."

"Nothing more to be done with him, then?"

"Well, you might consider untying him, but other than that, no."

Trixie did so, and a little while later she and Lucifer sat alone in the kitchen, staring despondently at the empty cake plate. 

"This blows!"

"Not quite the world I would normally associate with your dad but it gets the point across."

"No, I mean the case. We are still no closer to figuring out who ate the cake and the people around here are terrible criminals."

"Hey..."

"Present company excluded, of course. But If we are going to crack this we need to step up our game. We need to find ourselves a real criminal. Like a mafia boss or something."

"I'm not sure that..."

"You know everyone. Don't you know any mafia bosses?"

"Of course I do, but..."

"There we go then. Bring me there."

"If you so desire, detective."

\- - -

"...so don't play tough with me, mister. I'm here for answers and you will give them to me. You play nice, I'm nice. But I'm warning you, you wouldn't like my not-nice."

The man with the expensive suit sitting behind the expensive desk, flanked by expensive goons gave the little girl shouting at him a bewildered look. He moved his eyes to the smiling consultant behind her.

"Is this about the favor I owe you, Morningstar?"

"It could well be. If you don't follow the instructions of this rather intense young lady to the letter, it could very well be."

"Uh.... Understood. So what is it you want, ki..." Lucifer quickly shook his head and the man changed his word in the last moment. "...I mean 'detective'?"

"I want answers!"

"uh... I didn't quite catch the question"

"Who ate the cake?"

"Is this is about the Catalina job?"

"Do I look stupid? I'm not looking for pieces here. I'm not looking for crumbs. I'm looking for the _whole_ cake."

"Right... I think I understand what you are getting at..." the man glanced at the goons, who tried to figure out if they were supposed to shoot a young girl and, in one case, was trying to stop himself from laughing. "Listen, could I talk to you alone for a moment, 'detective'?" 

Trixie nodded without taking her eyes from the man. "Mr Morningstar, can you entertain these gentlemen for a little while?"

Lucifer gave the more attractive of the thugs an appreciative look. 

"Sure can do!"

"We are alone," Trixie observed in the neutral, yet pointed tone of voice her mother tended to use when the topic of homework came up. The man glanced at the door and smiled nervously.

"Right ki... detective. You are right. The Cataline job was just part of the operation. We had people in the harbor move the goods down south, and a fence in Sand Diego took it from there. I can give you names... but there is something you need to do for me."

"Are you trying to bribe an office of the law, sir?!"

"No, no. Use the names I gave you. No need of holding back. It won't fall back on me, I can assure you of that."

"Then what do you..."

"You've got spunk, kid. Walking in here, mouthing off to me. Morningstar or not, that takes gut. Shows you aren't afraid. And the thing is, my daughter could use some help with that."

"Your daughter?"

"She's shy... doesn't have many friends... I think she would benefit from your company for a while."

Trixie nodded a business-like nod. "You have yourself a deal. Take me to your daughter."

\- - - 

It was about an hour later when Lucifer came back, happily whistling and adjusting his cuff-links. Trixie was holding the hands of a slightly younger child and talking with an earnest voice.

"...so remember to love yourself, don't be afraid to ask if you want to be friends with someone and tell your dad to let you handle bullies yourself if you feel up to it. Oh, and your Minecraft world is lovely and if your dad hasn't signed you up for a theater group by Monday, he and I will have _words_."

They hugged goodbye, and followed by Lucifer, Trixie walked out from the building. 

"Everything went well, I take it?"

"Making friends is always nice, but I'm no closer to the _real_ culprit in this case." She handed him a piece of paper.

"Could you give this to mom? She might use it to catch some non-cake-stealing bad guys."

"Of course, but why don't you do it yourself?"

"She wouldn't like it if I she knew I talked to criminals without her. She would think it was... irresponsible."

\- - - 

"Trixie, that was the most irresponsible thing you have ever done!" 

Chloe took a deep breath and stared her daughter in the eyes.

"Don't you realize how worried that makes me? You can't just wander off to who-knows-where all alone."

"I was wi..."

"And don't tell me you were with Lucifer. That really doesn't make anything better"

"I take slight offence to that, detective."

"And I take offence when you run off with my daughter. Just tell me first, for heavens sake."

" _Detective_. There is no need for that kind of language."

"Trixie. I want you to promise me to stay at home for the rest of the day. No more running off without letting me know. OK, monkey?"

"OK, mom."

\- - - 

"Now what?" Lucifer asked when a somewhat placated Chloe had left them to their own devices again.

"Now it's _serious_ "

"Oooooh. Do tell?"

"Mom asked me to turn in my badge. When they do that, that means you are getting close to the truth."

"So that means..."

"We catch the thief and we do it NOW."

"I like your style, detective."

"I know."

"So is this the part where we...?"

"So this is the part where we make a trap."

"I just so happen to know a pastry chef who owns me a favor..."

\- - - 

"OH MY, WHAT A DELICIOUS CAKE, WOULD SURE BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE WERE TO EAT THIS WONDERFUL CAKE."

"IT WOULD BE VERY SAD IF THIS WONDERFUL CHOCOLATE CAKE WERE TO BE EATEN NOW WHEN WE LEAVE UNGUARDED ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER. I SURE HOPE NOTHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE CAKE"

"NOW, LET'S GO AND DO SOMETHING ELSE AND LEAVE THE LOVELY CAAAAAAAKE"

"Trixie, stop screaming. Lucifer. Stop... Lucifering."

"Never, detective, but if you insist, me and your offspring will depart and certainly not take notice of anything that happens in the kitchen."

"Bye mom!"

The two of them retreated to Trixie's room and made a great show of closing the door and then open it again a crack so they could sneak out Trixie's toy periscope

"What does she do?"

"She's sitting in the sofa with her phone."

"Not stealing cake?"

"No. She didn't even touch it."

"Maybe she isn't the one after all."

"Well, the real thief is bound to take the bait sooner or later."

They waited a bit longer.

"This is boring."

"Sting operations always are."

"So how do you handle them?"

"Mostly by letting your mother do all the work. Speaking of, if you keep watch, me and your mother have a little thing we need to attend in the harbor, which promises to be much more interesting than this. Tah!"

"Lucifer! You can't expect me to..... arrrrgh!"

But the consultant had already sauntered off with Chloe, no doubt to do more exiting grown-up-things, and left the hardworking but bored police detective to guard the cake herself. 

Which she did.

Waiting.

Looking.

Patiently. 

Bored out of her mind.

She had just about got fed up with it when she heard a creak as the front door opened. 

Trixie tensed. The small circular vision the periscope allowed her did little more than reveal a lady cape cautiously walking in, propelled by a pair of lady shoes. The police detective grabbed her nerf gun and flashlight, counted to three and slammed the bedroom door open.

"FREEZE MOTHER...FUDGER!"

"Eeeeek!" cried Linda. "Trixie! You startled me!"

"Step away from the counter, cretinous cake-snatcher!"

"I'm not stealing cake. I'm just here to..."

"A likely story. Where were you late night to early morning?"

"...home, being kept awake by this little guy," Linda gestured to Charlie who was happily strapped to her chest. Trixie narrowed her eyes.

"Is that so, Charlie?" The baby looked up at her with a big grin and blew a raspberry. Trixie eased and gave Linda a big smile.

"Your story checks out! Welcome! And a good thing you are here too." She steered the confused Linda to an arm-chair and flopped down on the sofa opposite to her. Charlie was placed on the floor where he immediately started to look for things that could fall on him, he could choke on or, failing that, that could poison him.

"Doctor..." Trixie made a dramatic gesture and sighed. "I just feel so underappreciated despite my hard work. It's like no one takes me seriously as a police detective."

"Whoa, Trixie, I'm happy to refer you to a child psychologist, but I can't be your therapist without your parents' consent."

"Who wants a therapist? I just want to complain for a little while and then draw the completely wrong conclusion from a random thing you say and run off on a hair-brained scheme that completely misses the point you are trying to make."

"Oh.... ok, I can help you with that."

"That's it! Help! I just need help to trick the suspect to confess. Amenadiel!" Trixie ran over to the angel just entering the door, leaving Linda to try to rescue Charlie from a charger cable thoughtlessly left within reach.

"Hello, Trixie! What can I do for you?"

"I need you to engage the suspect in a conversation about personal issues that ultimately make them confess guilt in the case."

"Uh... Sure? Who is the suspect?"

"Her, of course!" Trixie pointed at Mazikeen who just strolled out from her room. "Mentioned early but quickly forgotten. With a story that doesn't quite add up. Now all we need is a confession and a motive. Go get her!" Amenadiel looked confused for a moment, but then shrugged and went over to Mazikeen who was leaning over the kitchen counter."

"Hi, Maze. Wanna talk about feelings?"

"Ugh, no. I'd rather eat this cake, just as I ate the cake last night."

"Aha! Trixie cried, jumping up from behind the counter. "You confess?!"

"Sure do," Mazikeen said as she scoped up a spoonful of frosting from the new cake."

"But, why, Maze? Why did you do this dastardly deed?"

"Wanted cake!" Trixie mulled that over.

"Seems like a solid motive to me. Fair enough, but you can consider yourself BOOKED!"

"OK? What book?" 

Trixie smiled at her.

"The cookbook of course. You are helping me make a new cake. It's time for the world to meet... Trixie Espinoza - Master Pastry Chef!"


End file.
